Everybody Needs Something They Can Look Forward to…

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I was a rather ungrateful brat for (arguably) the first 20 years of my life.

Those first two decades of life allowed me to really “practice” the not-so-subtle arts of complaining, lying, stealing, getting addicted to (many) substances, speaking ill of people, being discontent, envious, and overall, being the kind of person NO ONE hopes their child will grow up to be.

However, I had a couple of things working to my advantage in terms of personality traits:

1. I always possessed a sort of “dark charisma” that drew people in, whether with a sense of mystery, the many irreverent opinions (“hot takes”) I had on things, or perhaps the flaw that many humans possess, making it so they are inevitably drawn to things and people they know are inherently bad for them.
2. My manners have always been set rather impeccably, a huge credit to my parents, who did everything in their power to raise 3 boys who weren’t total drains on society or its inhabitants.
3. Perhaps the thing that worked most to my advantage growing up was that I’d always been rather quiet, reserved, and seemingly contemplative. This way, no first impression or cordial conversation would immediately give me away as, in fact, being one of the worst kinds of people the world had to offer at the time…